Summer

I use that title because the chorus of Charlotte Hatherley's song says it best.

"I confused myself with someone else"

I feel like by going out and getting 'drunk' I have betrayed myself, everything I stand for. I have never been so miserable, so depressed. At one point during the night I sat isolated on a sofa in a nightclub crying. Yes, I was crying in a club. Never before have I felt so fake, so suppressed or under pressure to do what I didn't want to. My integrity lies in tatters at my feet and I feel terrible.

I put on the Winter-een-mas hoody as soon as I got home. I wanted it to fill me with the joy that is associated with everything Winter-een-mas represents but it only makes me feel worse.

Put simply, the evening of January 19th and the early morning of January 20th 2007 easily constitutes one of the worst moments in my life. I'm not even close to joking.