Sex Toys

Not a euphamism, or any sort of unrelated and humourous post title. This post is actually about sex toys, more specifically the scary variety I've found. I got sent a link to this site this morning, its the website of a sex shop in Halifax, Nova Scotia (Canada) and contains a lot of information about the subject. Here's what I've found out.

Vibrators
Vibrators can be used externally and internally, though anal specific vibrators generally have a base on them to stop them getting stuck in the anus. If a vibrator is intended for both vaginal and anal use it must be made of silicone or used with a condom. People starting out with a vibrator should buy a multi-speed one as some people find a high speed numbing or painful. Silicone is the best material as it retains heat and can be boiled for better cleaning. Other materials like rubber can be harder to clean because of their porous nature and also whiff a bit.

Dildos
A lot of the dildo information is the same as the vibrator stuff but there's a lot more emphasis on shape, a lot of the information is about choosing the size. Materials like silicone are generally a bit less pliable than their fleshy counterparts so you should allow for a little bit less 'give'. Dildos are measured first by insertable length, not counting the base or fake balls and then by the width which is given in diameter (from one side to the other in a straight line) from the widest point.

Anal
Apparantly there are 4 things anal toys are designed to provide in terms of feelings. First is the opening and closing feeling, so that wonderful feeling of getting freaking ripped apart. Second is the feeling of fullness (one of my favourite fanfics describes it as 'succulent'). Third is friction when going in and out, helped along by lube. Finally is stimulation of the g-spot or prostate gland, everyone should know where this is and if they don't know they should find out. Anal dildos and vibrators are characterised (as I mentioned earlier) by the flared base on the bottom to stop it slipping all the way inside and getting lost. While dildos and vibrators can be used anally there are 2 categories designed especially for the 'unnatural' method of entry. First is the buttplug, these are designed to be left in and are usually wider in the middle before thinning out towards the base to aid this. Don't be fooled by those scary pictures of buttplugs that are flat just before the base, most of them thicken up before gradually thinning out in the same way. The difference here is that some go flat during the thickening and others are more curved to follow the natural shape of the rectum. Second are anal beads, simply put these are strings of balls that can be inserted as far as necessary and then pulled out. Their main use is to allow for that feeling of fullness without constantly pressurising the ring itself. Some beads come in a more dildo-like form though, with the dildo bulging at various points to form the impression of beads. In general most anal bead sets will have 4-6 beads on them.

Before we move on, who's surprised that that was the longest bit so far?

Lube
Its wonderful stuff, makes everything slippery and can have warming properties. There are a lot of different chemicals that go into various lubes that have various effects like making the lube go sticky or triggering allergies. The three main types though are water-based (can dry up), silicone-based (dangerous with silicone toys) and oil-based (which eats latex, which is what condoms are made of).

Power Play
Or bondage, BDSM and its various other names. Consists of a few different sections, first is domination which involves making your partner sub-servient to your every need. Flaggelation which involves whips, slapping and even tickling. Masochism as well which is for people who enjoy actual, real pain. The one I'm most interested in though is rope play, this is basically tying knots in a rope that's binding your partner so that every movement applies pressure to their body. This in turn makes them move away from the pressure by instinct and straight into another point. Again my interest in this was spurred by a fanfic.

Boy's Toys
Not talking about anal stuff here, this is all about stuff to be used on the twig and giggleberries themselves. First in this category is cock rings (otherwise known as a 'Prince Albert' for some reason), these are small plastic or rubber rings that are put on the penis at the base to restrict bloodflow. This can have two major effects, first it can prolong an erection as the blood is prevented from flowing back into the body once its done in the penis. Second it can heighten the pleasure of an orgasm as the cum is forced past the barrier of the ring at a much higher velocity than usual, therefore the rushing feeling of ejaculation is greater. Second comes the wank sleeves, these are made almost exclusively of latex as its the only material that is pliable enough to make it safe as silicone is far too hard. They will gradually lose their grip and tightness but this will be massively accellerated if they're used with an oil-based lube.

That's it everyone, enjoy this new found knowledge and shop safely.

All the information adapted from the Venus Envy website.

www.venusenvy.ca

Sickness

I feel really ill right now, like I'm about to throw up. I think I'll go and lie down in a minute.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 9
Score: $192
Rank: 204th

Abysmal

Sickness

I feel really ill right now, like I'm about to throw up. I think I'll go and lie down in a minute.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 9
Score: $192
Rank: 204th

Abysmal

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 8

Both patches are smooth, a few little bumps appearing on the bladeless razor side but they aren't itching. The spatula side has got visible hairs growing already.

A larger area has been done with the bladeless razor, that's the one I want to investigate more.

CDs and Cream

Holy crap its nearly Albums of the Month time again.

Today I picked up 3 CDs, the new Arctic Monkeys LP (it wipes the floor with WPSIATWIN), Nerina Pallot's Fires (which I've been after for ages) and the new issue of Uncut. This month's playlist is all about the new generation of Americana. Americana's one of those musical concepts that I just don't get, like MOR or metal.

I also got my 2 sets of hair removal cream in the mail. One is a normal cream with aloe vera and the other is a bladeless razor. I've done the same test I did a little while ago, the immediate results are superb but we'll see if that lasts.

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 7

THE WEEK!! Yes we've hit the week mark at last. Now the shaving is over and my razors will no doubt be relieved. We're onto more sophisticated methods of removing the hair now, the hair removal creams.

Both legs are rapidly recovering now, the red spots are starting to disappear and the itching is subsiding.

You Don't Know Jack April 27th 2007
Category: Let Milo Open The Door
Score: $1,381
Rank: 166th

An Appeal

I'm normally a very mild mannered person, its very rare for me to get really angry at anyone but can someone put their soul on hold, sign up to Bebo and give this moron closet case a kick up the ass please?

An Idiot Who Blocked Me For No Reason

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 6

Both legs rather benign and normal. The shaving phase is marked as a full blown failure though, next phase is the hair removal creams. More on that when it starts.

Cheesed Off

I know our postal service is slow but for crying out loud.

You Don't Know Jack April 26th 2007
Category: Its Getting Uncomfortably Hot In Here
Score: $3,104
Rank: 92nd

Brought To You By The Letter.....

Who would've thought that one letter (the 7th in the English alphabet) could bring so much laughter to a group of people who are supposedly 18 eh?

I did something stupid a few minutes ago, I searched for 'dreams' in my Gmail account (now with new password). This brings up lots of stuff that is unimportant like PokerRoom.com newsletters, UKGameshows stuff, NaNoWriMo stuff from last year etc. However this search brings up an email that brought me to tears the first time I read it and still crushes me now. It was recieved on May 4th 2005 and the sender is shown as 'kim'. Kim is not her name, but then neither is what I still call her. Chibi.

The main part of that email conversation has never been, and never will be, told to anyone. I'm reading through it though reminding myself of such important issues as her new house, whether she needed a pool and other stuff like that.

Now its 2 years later, a lot has changed. If Chibi hadn't vanished then there's a chance that this year I would be going to Florida instead of Toronto. Weird isn't it how things change.

So where's the relevance of this, why would I go hunting down something that I know makes me cry? Well its all in what I got this morning when I logged into MSN messenger. It was Nelly, giving a fairly guilty explaination for her recent absence and apologising for being a bad friend. That got me going, I hate people assuming they're being bad friends. I'll see if she comes online tonight, hopefully she will and I can get things moving.

Finally, if you haven't read this week's Savage Love column over at The AV Club then go have a look now. Its always great to see "pasty white fag" (his words) Dan Savage dealing with stuff but its incredible when he gets his hands on a 'closet case' (see: Ted Haggard).

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 5

Right leg. Back of it to be precise, back of my knee to be even more precise.

There are several little lumps, and they sting. They fucking sting to be precise.

I need to get a new birth certificate for my mother to get my passport. I have 26 days to get it now. The adventure is looking more and more flimsy as the days go by.

You Don't Know Jack April 25th 2007
Category: Must...Stop...Watching...The Unit
Score: $3,128
Rank: 66th

They've Done It Now

Remember the Phelps family? Otherwise known as The Most Hated Family In America? Known to one poster on Youtube as 'one of the only decent families left in America'? Well they've picketed gay funerals, soldier funerals, now its time for the jackpot.

Shit, Meet Fan

Yes you are reading that right, the most hated family in America are going to get ripped apart. They are actually picketing the memorial service for the victims of the Virginia Tech shooting. I'll be amazed if they all return to Westboro Baptist Church alive.

Annoyance

Yes believe it or not this post doesn't (or probably won't) contain any references to my legs. Except that one. Its also probably going to develop into a bit of a rant.

16th March, 3:52am. That was when Nelly went offline last. Sarah was last around April 2nd, which still clocks in at over 3 weeks without contact, IM contact anyway. In the hope of eventually finding out what the hell's going on I've added all the hotmail addresses from the last newsletter Sarah sent out to my MSN contact list, it'll be interesting to see who speaks to me of their own accord, as well as finding out what everyone's like online. After a week I'll start going after people, its like stalking but not as creepy.

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 4

Well this is interesting. There's a small patch of skin on my right leg (the moisturised one) which has gone red and stings a bit, however the majority of the leg is still as clear as it was yesterday. To further this phase I've shaved the upper right leg, so now my entire right leg is hairless. I've also moisturised the lower left leg which started all this. We'll see if that stops the irritation on there.

You Don't Know Jack April 24th 2007
Category: The Catski In The Hatski
Score: $1,643
Rank: 91st

This one is hard.

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 3

Now this is interesting, my left leg was rather itchy this morning but my right leg was very benign indeed. That's the end of that bit then.

Conclusion
One of the many variables when shaving is down to the amount of blades on the razor used.

Now we're done stating the bleeding obvious, lets move on. Oh yes, we're not done yet.

Phase 2
Here's the next test. I have shaved my lower right leg for the first time in its entirity using a 3-blade razor (my M3 Power) and the same shaving gel I used in the last phase. Here there are 3 variables.

1: Firstly the razor used, unlike the lower left leg which is still rather horrible, is the M3 Power again. 3 blades. We're told from the first phase that this leads to a better result.

2: Second is the shaving gel. The lower left was shaved with Mach 3 gel, lower right is getting bog-standard Gilette Gel. In theory this should give a worse result.

3: Finally is the big one, when the lower right leg was fully dried after my bath I gave it a bit of a treatment with some moisturiser. In theory this should stop it becoming irritated and keep it smooth. The product used here is a normal Vaseline hand and body lotion. I'll give it the same treatment everyday.

So that's phase 2. More blades and moisturiser. Lets see if this works. If neither of them have an effect we'll know by tomorrow, which is when the left leg went to hell.

Speaking of the left leg, its got work of its own to do. I've treated it with a different moisturiser, one designed for cracked and irritated skin. It'll be interesting to see if this has any effect.

Disappointment

No parcel, no red card. I almost cried.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 8
Score: $7,892
Rank: 91st

Disappointment

No parcel, no red card. I almost cried.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 8
Score: $7,892
Rank: 91st

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 2

Both legs flaring up now, not too itchy though.

Original area (my whole lower left leg) is killing me.

I don't care who wins The Amazing Race All-Stars as long as its not Charla and Mirna.

That is all.

The Great Shaving Experiment - Day 1

So after 24 hours (or close enough).....

Single Blade
No red spots, no itching.

Triple Blade
A few red spots appearing, no itching though.

Those results are interesting, we'll see if they hold up.

The Great Shaving Experiment

OK, here's the idea. With my Brainiac brain firmly in place I'm setting out to try and get some answers. A few days ago I shaved the whole of my lower left leg. A day later it was red, itchy and horrible. I want to know why, so I'm doing an experiment.

The Theory
My lower left leg was initially shaved with a single blade Bic disposable razor and Gillette shaving gel. I want to find out if some little adjustments can change the result.

The Experiment
A patch of hair on my left leg has been given the same shaving gel (Gillette Gel, £1 from Tesco) and the same type of razor, a single blade Bic disposable.

The same size patch on my right leg has the same gel but got shown my Gillette M3 Power. Supposedly this delivers a better shave with less irritation.

Then, another patch has been shaved on both legs with no gel. Ali suggested this.

My hypothesis is this, that the patch of bare skin on my left leg will flare up with the same sort of rash, my right leg will hopefully be fine. Both patches got 5 strokes from their razor, so technically should flare up the same if there's no difference. The gel-less areas will be hell.

But whatever happens, I still have 4 bald patches on my legs. I'll report back every day over the weekend until Monday, when I'll give results.

Normal Operation

The more complex exercises that I perform with my feet take on a whole new world of complexity with these boots on. Putting my feet up so they kinda stick to the upright on my bunk bed for example, it doesn't leave much leg straightening room when there's about 3 inches of rubber before my foot actually starts. Dress arrives next week with a bit of luck.

You Don't Know Jack April 20th 2007
Category: Chocodile Rock
Score: $3,665
Rank: 36th

Big Brown Box

Oooh, big brown box on the table when I came home. Could it be the outfit I've been waiting for at last?

Nope.

Its the anti-drug shirt. Which annoyingly has the Yaoi-manga.com slogan (The Girls Only Sanctuary, which is a dreadful slogan) on the back. Still, the maidboy outfit can only be next, unless the UK Passport Service really get their asses into gear.

You Don't Know Jack April 19th 2007
Category: When A Rabbit Is Hit By A Volkswagen
Score: $2,081
Rank: 153rd

Time Difference

Is it sad that I have my computer clock on this PC set to PEI time? Wow, two acronyms in one sentence. Is it also a little odd that I refer to Prince Edward Island as PEI with immense ease and comfort now?

My play count for Four Winds off the new Bright Eyes album has to be in double figures by now. As opposed to the entire Shiny Toy Guns album which is all in double figures, except for the 'bonus' track which iTunes tagged wrong. It tagged the song 'Rocketship' as the bonus track from the US version of the album, which has as a bonus 'I Promise You Walls'. Still sounds good though, I'll be amazed if another album manages to surpass this one in my opinion this year. Though there are still the Manics to hit next month, and LP.

What else is next month? Hmm...

Heh, I put in my notebook yesterday all the stuff that was still yet to arrive that was gonna be needed for the Canadian Adventure. Here's that list along with when I'm expecting it to arrive at the latest.

'Anti-Drug' t-shirt - 20th April
Maidboy dress - 23rd April
Passport - 27th April (not exactly holding my breath)
Maidboy socks - 30th April

Grab the tissues, nosebleed inducing pictures are coming next week. I really can't wait to get the outfit on, I just hope I can get comfortable in it before May 27th.

In other cosplay news, my Hisagi outfit apparantly arrived at Sarah's house yesterday. She says its perfect, which is extremely reassuring. Though Sarah's definition of perfect is worrying at the best of times. Not inaccurate, just worrying. She has said she may need to extend the hakama legs. I think that's what they're called.

I officially couldn't wear a New Jersey Nets shirt in Toronto even if I had one. I'll either be taunted for losing or lynched for knocking the Raptors out. Freaking playoff draw.

I'm getting slight withdrawl symptoms. I didn't put the boots on at all last night, Fern did, but I didn't. I did see a short person wearing a pair of boots with a similarly sized sole though. That was funny. At least I know its possible to walk normally in them. If you're short anyway, anyone who hasn't noticed yet may like to know that I'm not short. I'm about 6'6" in those boots. That's very tall. I haven't had much trouble walking in them so far though, mind that is in jeans though, they may add a bit of stability.

Speaking of the boots, it would be quite a laugh to try and dance in them. Probably to the Shiny Toy Guns album, add a little something to the augasm I already get when listening to it.

My half-shaven leg (that's my lower left) is killing me. I've got the same sort of rash on it that I get when I shave my...errr...never mind. It itches like hell though, hence the loose trousers I have on today. I wore my reasonably tight jeans yesterday and the agony was horrible, there was plenty of blood when I took them off, getting into the bath was a lot more painful that I thought it would be. The sting was immense, though they stopped itching after that. I haven't looked at them yet today, they still itch but nowhere near as badly as yesterday.

I was never too endeared to the first Arctic Monkeys album it has to be said. I listen to it occasionally in constant attempts to pick up on the sort of genius everyone kept banging on about when it was released. It was a sort of Halo moment, initially it looks great but as time goes on you realise its not really that special. Everyone I've read the opinions of so far though says that all their new songs from Favourite Worst Nightmare are better than the Whatever People Say I Am... stuff. Given the strength (and there is no other word for it) of Brianstorm I don't doubt that.

OK, I just put the Shiny Toy Guns album on for the 3rd time today. I'm still not tired of it though. For an album I bought off the strength of the ending half of one song I think I did quite well here.

Big Train

More train tickets. The first ones I've pre-ordered and got them today. That's another box checked. Its all starting to come together.

You Don't Know Jack April 18th 2007
Category: Monkey See, Monkey Doo
Score: $3,166
Rank: 127th

NJ's Canadian Adventure Update

Firstly, let me introduce the first item of cosplay stuff I've recieved. The maidboy boots.

One Side
Other Side
The Megaheel

And yes, those smooth, shaven legs are mine. Well, one of them is. I ran out of shaving foam so ridiculous doesn't quite cover what my legs look like. Still, the photos show the good bits. I promise to get the whole leg shaving thing mastered before May 27th.

Allow me to wax lyrical for a second about how freaking comfortable those boots are. I was expecting to be wobbling all over the place while I tried to get my normal walk going in them, instead I put them on, wandered about a bit and then forgot I had them on. I really don't like the moments when I have to take them off and go back to wearing my normal brown shoes. I think I need to make a habit of wearing shoes like this, only maybe not all with 5" heels. I also think I see why people can spend £70 on one pair of shoes, its fairly easy if they feel this good.

That's the good, now for the stinking. Paypal have throttled my account yet again. Fortunately I can use Western Union to send Nelly the money for my flights over and I'm pretty much done using Paypal for the moment so its not sent me into the same white-hot rage it did last time. Still, its annoying. Good job I've only got a few months before I have to change my bank account from a student to a normal account. Still thinking about whether or not to stick with HSBC for that.

Further passport ID stuff was (hopefully) sent off today by mother, I'm shooting for having that little 32-page book in my hands by the end of next week.

Time Remaining
35 Days
(Quick Note: This countdown started at 255 days)

Savings Balance
£411

Hey, I Put Some New Shoes On.....

Yes, even with my heels over 4 inches off the ground these are still far more comfortable than my work shoes. I'll get some photos up later and talk more about them then. Got more ranting to do as well as Paypal seeks to thwart the Canadian Adventure yet again.

You Don't Know Jack April 17th 2007
Category: Chariots of Fryers
Score: $1,705
Rank: 51st

Eep.

NEW RECORD!!

2 hours and 15 minutes!! I arrived in work at 1:15pm for an 11-7 shift.

There is only one thing needed for the Canadian Adventure now. The passport. Your minds will explode when you see the boots I got for the maidboy outfit.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 7
Score: $6,546
Rank: 200th

Its positive, I'm cool with that.

The Charts - April 15th 2007

Well something's happened this week that makes things interesting. Last week's position not in brackets (because I can't be bothered) and all info taken from BBC Radio 1.

The Official Top 10 Singles
1: Timbaland ft. Justin Timberlake and Nelly Furtado - Give It To Me
2: Mark Ronson ft. D. Merriweather - Stop Me
3: Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend
4: The Proclaimers ft. Brian Potter and Andy Pipkin - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)
5: Beyonce & Shakira - Beautiful Liar
6: Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - The Sweet Escape
7: The Fray - How To Save A Life
8: Fergie - Glamourous
9: Alex Gaudino - Destination Calabria
10: Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby

Other Notables
11: Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
13: Linkin Park - What I've Done
20: Bloc Party - I Still Remember
21: Muse - Invincible
24: Calvin Harris - Acceptable In The 80s
28: My Chemical Romance - I Don't Love You
29: Nine Inch Nails - Survivalism
31: Elliot Minor - Parallel Worlds
32: Mika - Love Today
33: Akon - Don't Matter
34: Maximo Park - Our Velocity
35: Klaxons - Gravity's Rainbow

Lots of fine stuff (and Mika) in the 40 this week then. Definately not a well deserved #1 for Timbaland. One producer who should stay behind the desk.

The Official Album Chart
1: Kings Of Leon - Because Of The Times
2: Cascada - Everytime We Touch
3: Take That - Beautiful World
4: Nelly Furtado - Loose
5: The Proclaimers - The Best Of...

Bright Eyes' excellent Cassadaga is in at #13.

An Old Friend

I was very impressed with how Joe Day has developed since leaving Bishops. Last night was my first time coming into full speaking contact with him since 2005. The phrase 'holy-shit-he's-hot' doesn't quite cover it. He's now around the same height as me, as slender as he ever was and with a glorious mess of unkempt hair. I was annoyed when I walked into his room therefore.

In my room there are many pictures that have breasts in, the majority of them though are nothing more visually than lumps on a female character's chest for the sake of distinguishing between genders. Seeing the sort of pictures that Joe had on his bedroom walls that weren't guitars (guitar pics outnumbered the others by miles) though still makes my skin crawl.

Despite the tragic wall hangings though, the lack of any copies of Maxim, Nuts, Front, FHM, Zoo etc, etc in favour of Total Guitar, Bike Trader and several intellegent podcasts (and a Macbook) gave me heart that Joe had progressed to the stage where he had become an interesting person. He is very much an interesting person and a civilised one. He has his squicks, a conversation between me and Jack about the location and purpose of the legendary prostate gland went over the line slightly. He does however know when someone's joking. I got the whole non-issue (I wish) of my preferences and changes since the Bishops days out the way soon enough (well Jack did) and some casual joke flirting in the pub soon after even got a wry smile from him.

A lot of my old school friends have changed since leaving Bishops in 2005. Some for the better, some unimaginably for the worse. Joe has definately changed for the better, he's courteous and hasn't lost sight of reality. Add to that his ability to drink alcohol sensibly and he's pretty much evolved into my kind of person. Of all my old friends, he's the one I want to hang around with a lot more.

Friday the 13th

The stamps machine at the post office wasn't working properly. That's pretty much the extent of my bad luck today.

You Don't Know Jack April 13th 2007
Category: Who's Porking Whom?
Score: $3,265
Rank: 37th

Public Confidence

Project Maidboy is more or less certain if I get to Canada. The massive outpouring of love and support of my action is incredible to be honest, everyone applauding my guts for doing it. Its even inspired another male forum member to have a go at it. This may just work you know.

You Don't Know Jack April 12th 2007
Category: Steal Garters
Score: $3,196
Rank: 21st

Set-sation

The Daily Show has a new set!

This Is Gloating

And that is a post title ripped from this month's Edge (the Crashlander comic). This is also gloating, remember this photo?

Photo Link

That was £200, the same £200 I took to the London Expo last October.

Another Photo Link

That's $540. $80 in $10s, $160 in $20s, $200 in $50s and $100 in $100s. Yes I finally have Canadian dollars. They're very nice and shiny too, as well as colourful. Unlike those ugly American dollars with their neverending greenness.

Oh yeah, I put new batteries in my camera for that.

Her Majesty's Pleasure

That pleasure appears to be depriving me of a passport. I need to send off my birth certificate and mothers which is incredibly annoying. Fortunately the address label I've been provided with says 'Priority Service' so presumably the rest of it is fine and once I've wanged off the certificates I'll get my passport quickly enough.

You Don't Know Jack April 11th 2007
Category: On Thin Ice With Thin Blood
Score: $1,581
Rank: 74th

There's also a thread on the Cosplay.com forums appealing for maidboys, I asked for it to be put up. I also created my own thread on the Yaoi North forums. 2 replies, no maidboys. Its annoying.

Very Hot

Like a Jeopardy question that. The answer is pretty much everything in the Mcdonalds Hereford kitchen except Ross Blackman and David Griffiths. Who are just not hot in any way.

You Don't Know Jack April 10th 2007
Category: I'll B.C.-ing You
Score: $3,235
Rank: 30th

Golf

I went out onto the Racecourse 9 hole course today for the first time in months. An 84 doesn't tell me I'm well practiced.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 6
Score: $8,499
Rank: 94th

Wow, A positive score sets things right after last week.

NJ's Canadian Adventure Update

So I've been busy lately. Sending off for my passport, sorting out cosplay stuff (lets hear it for the maidboy!) and doing much saving.

The passport business was tricky, but went from half-way to completion within a day. It was sent off on Monday and I'm expecting something back in 2 weeks.

Cosplay was entertaining. The Hisagi costume was paid for this morning along with the maidboy outfit which I did on my own, Sarah helping with the other one.

Everything's moving now, there isn't much time left.

Total Savings: £997
Savings Balance: £692
---------------------------------------
Days Remaining: 44

Bad Wolf, Torchwood, ?

Yep, it wouldn't be Doctor Who without a new phrase to watch out for to get some clues for the series finale. Series 1 we had Bad Wolf, series 2 gave us Torchwood (and therefore more John Barrowman, for which I am greatful). So what is series 3's clue?

Saxon.

Here are the sightings as Digital Spy have counted them.

Series 2 - Love And Monsters
While this appalingly bad episode was hard to watch, this was sighted on a newspaper just before the revealing of the Absorbaloff.

"Saxon leads polls by 64%"

Series 2.5 - The Runaway Bride
As the tanks lined the streets to take down the spider ship the order to fire was given by a Mr Saxon.

Torchwood - Episode 12
In the dancehall there were posters with the slogan 'Vote Saxon'.

Series 3 - Smith and Jones
This poster was also seen in the alleyway as Martha prepared to board the Tardis.

Another reference came as Martha relaxed after the trip to the moon listening to the news on the radio. Med student Oliver said

"It all just proves Mr Saxon right, we are not alone in the universe."

--------------------------

So here's what's known about Mr Saxon.

He is a character in the new series played by Kevin Simm, better known as Sam Tyler in the excellent Life On Mars. He is definately an enemy but won't be seen in early episodes. The last 2 episodes of the series are titled "The Sound of Drums" and "The Last Of The Timelords".

Naturally the internet is going mad. There's only one conclusion I can come to though, while the presence of the Daleks in this series points to Davros' revival that final episode title gives only one answer. One other timelord survived the time war aside from The Doctor.

The Master.

EDIT
Just reading Dek Hogan's column on Digital Spy and he's spotted this little gem.

MISTER SAXON rearranges to...

MASTER No SIX

That Russell T Davies, he does like his anagrams.

The Most Hated Family In America

If you didn't see this last Sunday on BBC2 then make sure you get it on Youtube.



The Great Louie Theroux meets the Phelps family. Otherwise known as the most hated family in America. He's really one of those human beings that we'd be screwed without like Stephen Fry or Penn Jilette. His ability to get under people's skin without pissing them off or getting thrown out of the community is brilliant.

The video isn't really that terrifying or offensive because this lot are such a fringe group. Plus they're leader is gonna kick the bucket soon and in addition to that the family members are discouraged from having relationships or reproducing. Dispite this the documentary is still fascinating, Louie is still one of the few documentary makers (along with Morgan Spurlock) who can hold my attention for a whole hour.

Bad Friday

Meh, its aethiest hell really. A national holiday for religeous reasons. Still, its sunny and warm so I got coke and a pork pie on the desk, the windows open to let the crisp spring air in and British Sea Power on the speakers. Talk about making the most of a bad situation.

You Don't Know Jack April 6th 2007
Category: That Ball Has Some Mustard On It
Score: $3,116
Rank: 12th

Good one, I do like my baseball.

Bodging Brilliance

Setting up for its 10th series now is one of Channel 4's best shows. Like all great shows its had its issues, dull series', presenter changes and spin-offs but finally after 2 years off Scrapheap Challenge is finally back.

The application form for Scrapheap is pretty much in line with the rest of the show. There are no fancy graphics and the whole thing's done on a word processor rather than a big Photoshoppy graphics program. The series 10 application form calls for 'Budding Backyard Brunels' to take on 12 of supposedly their best challenges yet. The build-time is still set at 10 hours and hasn't changed in the main series since series 1 which had teams building until sunset. Which was probably 10 hours really.

The form asks for the team member's names, their team name and any reason behind it, their relationship and interests in the first section. Interesting requests in the next section include nicknames with 'Go on, even the bad ones' in brackets next to it and any unusual hobbies, talents or skills as well as passions and any amazing facts.

Then comes the mechanical skills, this year the applicants must (it says at the top) be proficient in handling welding and cutting machinery. Then they're asked to rate their skill level (from beginner to great) in these areas. Welding, Cutting, Sawing, Joining, Turning, General mechanics, General electrics, Familiarity with engines, Hydraulics and most interestingly Swimming. Team members are then invited to give their ideal challenge. Its an interesting form, if a little badly formatted.

Scrapheap started in 1998 as Scrapheap. Without the Challenge though its always been abbreviated to Scrapheap by its friends. Sally Gray was an original host as well alongside the ever reliable Robert Llewellen. 2 teams who were the same each week would compete to build a different machine each week from whatever they could find on the scrapheap. Whoever's machine performed best in the test were the winners. Easy.

Series 2 changed the format. Now there were 8 teams competing in a knock-out competition. Each team had 3 members and would be joined by an expert in the field of whatever they were building to provide assistance. Sally Gray was also gone, off to present the first series of 50/50 presumably and replaced by series co-creator Cathy Rogers.

The rules as they were for series 2 still exist to this day. Teams get 10 hours to build their machines with help from their experts. Each team has a captain who can only venture outside the team build area onto the scrapheap itself if the team's 2 scavengers (normal non-captain or expert members) can't get a piece of scrap out by themselves even with the help of the quad bike they have to get around (complete with trailer). If specialist equipment is needed such as rockets they are provided, but hidden on the heap. The exception is for stuff like vehicle seats which will be provided for safety reasons if the ones the teams have don't meet the requirements. Once the build time is up the machines are transported to the test site where they are allowed an hour of tinkering time to make any required modifications or repairs using their basic tools.

From series 5 onwards Robert Llewellen has presented the show alongside Lisa Rogers. I'm assured she is no relation to Cathy.

There have been multiple spin-offs. First came Junkyard Wars, the American version produced and co-presented by Cathy Rogers with the very able assistance of Tyler Durden. The British and American shows have joined together multiple times to pit the UK against the USA. Annoyingly this usually takes place on our heap and we get beaten.

Three teams competed in Scrapheap Mega Challenge. The USA, the UK and China all came together to fight the ultimate challenge. To create a multi-purpose vehicle for 3 tests. Because of the enormity of the challenge teams were given 20 hours of build time over 2 days. China got beat by a long long way.

Cathy Rogers popped up again in 2002 for spiritual spin-off Full Metal Challenge. 27 teams had constructed multi-purpose vehicles in their own time and were then brought to an abandoned nuclear power plant where a sadistic funfair had been constructed to test these machines. The teams were building blindly not knowing what their challenges would be. The series took the form of a knockout tournament with 3 teams per heat with only the winner going through. Personal favourite challenges for me include Roller Coaster, a tricky winding track not that dissimilar to Trackmania. King of the Hill, a race to capture 2 coloured mounds and then climb a giant hill in the middle of the arena and then Grand National, the series' grand finale race around a tough waterlogged course over multiple fences. FMC lasted only one series, which was a shame.

Then came Zero to Hero. Again not a Scrapheap affiliate but no-doubt inspired by and pandering to the same crowd. 2 teams of 3 each with an expert would scavenge equipment from a warehouse and try to create the equipment to transform one of their members into a superhero! Or as was more often the case, a lycra clad idiot with a vacuum cleaner strapped to their back. An ex-Marvel artist and costume designer were on hand to create the look and the whole thing was immensely entertaining. It lasted 2 series'.

Then came The Scrappy Races. 4 teams this time built road legal vehicles (again in their own time) and then travelled to 4 different scrapheaps across Britain to adapt their vehicles for 4 different challenges. This was a proper Scrapheap spin-off and as such had many familiar teams involved. It has had 2 series' so far with the second series extended to 5 stages. Build time was shorter than normal Scrapheap though at 8 hours.

Then finally is Scrappy Races Rally. Again 4 teams, again 4 vehicles built in their own time and again 5 challenges with 8 hours build time. However speed was everything. As soon as the klaxon for the start of the build went the teams were on their own time. Once they were done they had to pack up and leave the scrapheap to stop the clock. The time was then totted up like a normal rally so building quickly was the key to victory as well as driving well and having a mechanism that worked fast. In this series simply doing the job wasn't enough, it had to do it well.

After every series the series winners take on the Champions. Originally the previous series winners and since a title that must be defended like a challenge belt in boxing or wrestling. The Champions title was held by the Megalomaniacs for 2 years until they were beaten by 2001 winners the Cat-ylists, a team of Jaguar engineers. The Cats have defended the title relentlessly ever since.

Scrapheap's 10th series (dispite only running for 8) is a time for celebration. So we shall overlook the mind-numbing boredom of series 8 and look forward to this new dawn.

Scrapheap Challenge returns to Channel 4 Sunday April 8th at 5:40pm.

3 Maid Outfits.....

.....being watched in My Ebay. Only one can be chosen for the Canadian Adventure and my cosplay grand finale as it were.

It has the potential to be immensely fun, immensely embarrassing or just terrifying. Chances are it'll take a lot of guts to pull off.

Now, some ash snorting.

You Don't Know Jack April 5th 2007
Category: Smack That Ash
Score: $3,572
Rank: 7th

ONE MISSED!! The most painful thing in a DisOrDat is missing the last one.

Breaking The Habit

Sick of contradictions, championing repetetive crap and the fact that its become an immense rip-off (now a whole 70 pages!) I have kicked my £2 a week habit and stopped buying NME. With occasional relapses whenever there's a free CD. I do like my free CDs.

This cheapskate attitude may explain my new music magazine choice. Well choice for this week, I bought Uncut this week (free CD and sister magazine to NME) and on payday next week I will try out Q. Its the first step in picking a constant magazine, though Uncut's free CD every month promises to keep me there even if the magazine is awful. 16 tracks lasting just over 1 hour for the princely sum of £4.10. Lots of good on here too, 4 of the bands I've heard of. That gives 12 artists I'm hearing for the first time without constant hopping between MySpace pages.

You Don't Know Jack April 4th 2007
Category: Will The Real Dark Lord Please Stand Up?
Score: $1,881
Rank: 116th

I know Dick Cheney. I know Darth Vader. I should have got way more than that.

Review - Puzzle Quest

Game Info Box
Title: Puzzle Quest: Challenge Of The Warlords
Publisher: D3
Developers: Infinate Interactive, 1st Playable, Engine Software, Vicious Cycle
Format: Nintendo DS

That's right. 4 developers allied to D3, a publisher who holds the western rights to Naruto and also produced the excellent PSP game PQ. So I have but one question. How could a publisher with a pedigree like that produce this soul-numbing slice of derivative crap?

Puzzle Quest is currently being regarded as the second coming of puzzle games. A second coming that really started when Meteos and Lumines came out, but we'll gloss over that. It is nearly impossible to find anywhere and even my copy was the last in the shop. So what do we get from such immense hype and build up?

We get Bejewelled. Or Zookeeper. Or a different name for the same freaking game that's been rehashed millions of times since Yoshi's Cookie on the SNES. Only wrapped up in a faux-RPG plot and presentation so thin that even a supermodel would eat it without puking. Swap pieces to make sets of 3, 4 or 5 and score points. Puzzle Quest tries to make this more exciting by having 2 players fight on the same grid taking turns to make moves. This means that they need a way of causing damage in the form of skulls on the board which cause damage to your opponent. As well as gold and experience points on the board alongside the standard 4 colours of mana gems its a fairly exhaustive set up, but easy enough to understand.

The main quest mode works by your character picking up quests and completing them. These quests follow a simple pattern of going to a location, fighting a few battles and returning home. And that's about it, there's a plot of some sort underneath it all about undead attacking the land but most players will ignore that as its really not that interesting or important.

Then there are single battle modes which have you either picking an enemy yourself or having one chosen at random. This is where the smart player will spend their time, free from random battles and trudging around the map.

There are capture puzzles to capture enemies you've defeated 3 or more times. These are just challenges to clear the board of all gems with no extra pieces falling from the top. They are hard and easily the most entertaining part of the game.

Then spell learning which gets you to play a basic game with no enemy just trying to clear the required number of gems. This is fairly boring in all honesty.

If it was just these game modes that bothered me I wouldn't feel so strongly about the game being poor, its the enemy AI. It is so terrifyingly unbalanced and unfair that you start thinking 'What's the point?'. Enemies in the quest mode are rarely, if ever a lower level than you and always seem to do immense amounts of damage through massive chain reactions and their spells. Its this AI that ruins the game, if it was more balanced and human then the game would be better.

Again, this could have been fixed by using that staple of modern DS games. Wi-Fi. But nope, Puzzle Quest is not online enabled and this is the final nail in its coffin.

In One Line
Poor AI, boring gameplay and a lack of online play means this game is not worth anyone's time.

Score
Two (2)

Boredom

Yep, it strikes again after the relative excitement of yesterday. So lets unroll the big pink condom shall we? My sister calls it that.

You Don't Know Jack April 3rd 2007
Category: EPA-Okay!
Score: $3,667
Rank: 40th

Naruto vol. 1.2 disc 1 is in my DVD drive. Don't know when I'll actually watch it mind.

Big Day

Passport application was well and truly wanged off through the post today. Then I worked a relatively pleasant shift at work before coming home to news from Sarah about cosplay stuff for the Canadian Adventure. I also got The Hives' second album and also we have a game to play.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 5
Score: $-25,884
Rank: 191st
Overall Rank: 1,252nd

Kids, learn from scores like this. They aren't big and the people who produce them aren't clever.

Albums of the Month: April

Month 4. we're a quarter of the way through the year.

2nd April
Maximo Park - Our Earthly Pleasures
The Academy Is - Santi
Fields - Everything Last Winter
Yourcodenameis:milo - They Came From The Sun
Scootch - Four Sure
Bis - We Are Bis From Glasgow Scotland
Slipknot - Slipknot

9th April
Bright Eyes - Cassadega
Hayseed Dixie - Weapons of Grass Destruction

16th April
Avril Lavigne - The Best Damn Thing
Mark Ronson - Version
Nine Inch Nails - Year Zero
Shitdisco - Kingdom Of Fear

23rd April
Arctic Monkeys - Favourite Worst Nightmare
Switches - Heart Turned To D.E.A.D.
Polytechnic - Down Til Dawn

30th April
Rush - Snakes and Mirrors
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Baby 81
James - Fresh As A Daisy
Hanson - The Walk

A lot of good once again.

Next Month
Get a loan because we've really got incoming next month. Linkin Park, Travis, Funeral For A Friend, The Maccabees, Mumm-Ra, Fountains of Wayne, The Thrills, Holy Ghost Revival, Maroon 5, Marylin Manson, Biffy Clyro, The Pigeon Detectives, The Coral, The Used, The Cribs...

And the Manic. Street. Preachers.

April 1st

Albums of the month coming later, but its April Fools day. Which means the 2 hotbeds of pranks are up to their usual tricks, Google and OC Remix.

Google
Google have a long history of quality fake products on April 1st. However there are 2 this year, could one be real? First is Google TiSP. Simply flush the fibre optic cable down the toilet and bingo! Free wireless internet. Yeah. Then there's Gmail Paper. Go read Slashdot as I really can't describe it.
www.google.com

OCR
Its ReCapitated. 18 high-quality, yet unbelievably shit remixes of the Icecap theme from Sonic 3. Leading the charge is Remix OCR001565. Otherwise known as OCRAPRIL01. Its djpretzel's Love Hurts remix (from Sonic 1) with the Icecap theme layered on the top. Naturally, drama has erupted at the review level. Go and see, its hilarious as always.
www.ocremix.org
icecap.ocremix.org

Destructoid
Brian Crecente's Mildly Pirate Themed Hair Palace. Yep, the Destructoid blog has today transformed into a brilliant tribute to the Kotaku editor.
www.destructoid.com

Think Geek
Oh boy, TG have really gone for it with a load of new products. Like the WiiHelm. A helmet to hold your Wiimote. Oh dear. Also the 8-bit tie. And the WiFi Donation alarm clock, which donates your money to charity if you sleep past the alarm.
www.thinkgeek.com

Youtube
Oh yes, everyone's favourite website has gone for it too. Staff members reveal their innermost secrets, find out who's a Bollywood star, who's dating Nalts, who's Renneto's secret cousin and who turned Jewish to piss off her boyfriend's parents.
www.youtube.com

Buzzerblog
Has transformed into Litterblog for a day. Some people just don't put the effort in anymore.
www.buzzerblog.com

VG Cats
Being a Sunday the office webcomics of CAD and Penny Arcade are unavailable. Scott Ramsoonair however has gone for it with Solid Snake's MySpace page.
www.vgcats.com

That seems to be it, nothing from Wikipedia unfortunately. Though how they'd top last year I have no idea. Haven't seen BMW's thing either, though they always do something.