Last Night

So aside from Puzzle Quest and Spectrobes (a game I'm still very undecided about) yesterday I went out drinking. Regular listeners will know that this NEVER ends well.

So I met Jack Hewitt in town, for once I was the one late as I wanted him to see what it feels like. Now I had a very bad feeling deep in my gut, I trust my gut I do. As Jack explained that he had to go to a friend's house to get some pills I felt the aforementioned gut really clamp up.

That done and me not involved, we headed to Manhattans. A rock bar from what I gathered, a few people in there I hadn't seen in a while. The gut was still screaming the warning but I couldn't see anything odd. Then it hit me. These people don't know me, there are many things people will do when they don't know me.

Guys will talk to me, people will be friendly, they won't avoid me in case I start emitting pervy thoughts and they will try to get me to dance. None of this stuff is bad, but then comes the killer.

Girls.

As the night wore on and I got more drunk and more deaf, my gut was screaming blue murder about the girl sat next to me. Then around 12:15am it happened. She tapped me on the shoulder (she'd spoken to me a few times already) and showed me the text on her phone. I'll translate it out of txt tlk.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Oh hell. Every time I go out I dread that question. I live in fear of girls asking me out (some things never change) because when you're in a normal bar you have no idea how they'll react. As for this question i shook my head, determined to avoid the dreaded question for as long as possible. Then it came.

"Are you gay?"

ARGH!! I couldn't dodge this one, with adrenaline and fear coursing through every part of my body I could feel I paused (more froze really) then nodded. You'd think that would be that, and so did I. I of course, forgot that regardless of how comfortable I had felt in a room full of people up to this point, however much I felt that this was my scene with my kind of people, this was still a Friday night out in Hereford. Guys will get drunk and start fights, everyone will start dancing to music they don't even like, and girls will still think that no matter what they still have a divine right to turn back any cute guy (and I was getting a lot of looks last night) who has strayed out of their grasp. This girl was no different.

"Are you interested?"

I froze again, here was a chance. Could I really turn back just for one night? Then it didn't matter how much alcohol I'd had, I knew my own mind. I shook my head, no one-nighters is a rule I've had since 15. Add to that how I'd feel if I went back on my decision, possible consequences and even the slight fondness I hold for my own virginity. I finished up my drink and left.

Drunk, yes. But I always know what's right for me. Nights out for me never end well. No matter how good the beginning and middle were.

Resistance

Not of the fall of man variety but of my attempt to conquer my own attraction to Spectrobes, the Disney attempt at Pokemon.

I failed. Hence the presence in my room of 2 new DS games. Seems like my resistance for Puzzle Quest was also failing. Penny Arcade did that subject proud on Wednesday, go check that comic as it pretty much sums it up. Personally its not doing much for me right now but doubtless that will change over time. Spectrobes I haven't played yet but I will venture into it later on.

The whole passport thing isn't going well incidentally. The Post Office refused to send it off for me so I have to use the debit card mandate to pay for the damn thing.

You Don't Know Jack March 30th 2007
Category: March Milkness
Score: $3,096
Rank: 117th

2 $3,000+ scores in 2 days, but still a sub 100 finish.

Now They Are 10.....

April 1997
Not much happened, especially when compared to May 1997 where everything freaking happened.

Except one thing, one of the most successful video gaming franchises of all time was launched. For the first time people in Japan turned on their Gameboys, either with a red or green cartridge in the back and saw Satoshi.

Satoshi, otherwise known as Ash in the rest of the world was also the name of the man responsible for the gaming equivilent of My Chemical Romance, loved and hated in equal measures (though the haters are far more vocal). Satoshi Tajari, a bug collector, got the idea for the game from his hobby. With link cable support for VS matches and trading inspired by bugs crawling along strings Satoshi approached Nintendo, formed Game Freak and secured himself a happy retirement.

Red, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal, Leaf Green, Fire Red are the 8 full games in the series. Released in pairs to encourage players to trade with each other and inevitably followed by a special edition version later the games took over the world. Help from Pinball, the Trading Card Game, 2 Stadium games, the invention of the N64 Transfer Pak and constant gameplay refinements have helped it stay popular and most importantly, stay good.

There are now over 450 of them, each with their own attacks, look, evolution chain, fans and number. From #1 (Bulbasaur) to the mythical #151 (Mew) all the way up to the new heights of #452 there is no denying the quality of the games, or their importance. Think about a world without them, no Transfer Pak, no GBA-GC link, no DS-Wii link. How about no Nintendo period? How important was it in holding up the company during the Gamecube years?

Love it, hate it, refuse-to-admit-it, I don't care but the gaming world would be so very different if 10 years ago those first 2 games hadn't come out.

HAPPY 10th BIRTHDAY POKEMON!!

Spectrobes

OK, Spectrobes is becoming an immensely hard game to resist. The reviews that like it are glowing, the reviews that hate it are damning. The worst review incidentally is Edge's 5/10 according to Metacritic, that's interesting since they called it "a competant RPG". I'll buy one more game with the Internation Sensation Puzzle Quest tomorrow, whether its Spectrobes or not remains to be seen. Especially as I'm having trouble getting away from Advance Wars for now and Puzzle Quest will probably be harder having heard how its taken over some people's lives World of Warcraft style.

You Don't Know Jack March 29th 2007
Category: Hellp!
Score: $3,635
Rank: 8th

I BEAT JMCHURCH!! I TROUNCED A CATHOLIC IN A DISORDAT ABOUT POPES!!

Ahem. I believe in some cultures they call that the jackpot.

I LOL'd

And I don't often in those exact words. The cause was this comment on a story over on the Richard Dawkins site. Someone had just explained the hierachy or ranking system of the catholic church with this line

"The local, parish priests are below the bishops"

On a site whose members seize on a chance for comedy whenever they see it, something lined up like that was going to get well and truly knocked out of the park. A few comments down...

"And below the priests, you'll usually find an altar boy."

There's a story in that comment somewhere, I felt inspiration flash as I read it.

I've also gotten back into Advance Wars! I put the Dual Strike gamecard into my DS a few days ago and have once again started thinking in Mechs, Battle Copters, Cruisers and Neotanks. Not to mention defence bonuses, I think being older and playing the game has given me a lot more tactical knowledge as I breezed through the first 10 missions with relative ease. Got slowed down on mission 11 by being forced to yield but came back for a second attempt and dealt out a few handfuls of revenge by obliterating the opposition.

Also got my passport photo and form countersigned and ready to send off, all things considered its been a highly productive day.

You Don't Know Jack March 28th 2007
Category: Mmm...Grease
Score: $2,058
Rank: 144th

Morning

Ack.

You Don't Know Jack March 27th 2007
Category: The Melman Always Rings Twice
Score: $2,503
Rank: 15th

Episode 4

Woke up at 5:10pm. I rule, but we're still hunting down that elusive 5 figure score.

I have chocolate in my keyboard too, though its hard to name any substance that isn't in my keyboard.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 4
Score: $9,259
Rank: 106th

The Charts - March 25th 2007

So Scootch are representing us at Eurovision when it happens in a few weeks. I don't quite have the same confidence in the song as I had in Daz Sampson last year. If only for the fear that Finland will throw up another good song and actually defend the title.

Anyway, to business. Info from BBC Radio 1 with last week's position in brackets.

Last Week's Number 1
Girls Aloud vs Sugababes - Walk This Way

The Official UK Singles Chart
#1: The Proclaimers ft. Brian Potter and Andy Pipkin - I'm Gonna Be 5000 Miles (3)
#2: Girls Aloud vs Sugababes - Walk This Way (1)
#3: Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend (NE)
#4: Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - The Sweet Escape (2)
#5: Genericdancemusic - Destination Unknown
#6: The Fray - How To Save A Life (5)
#7: Take That - Shine (4)
#8: Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby (6)
#9: Maximo Park - Our Velocity (30)
#10: Fergie - Glamorous (19)

Notable New Entries
None

Its Mr Elton John's birthday tonight, the show from Madison Square Garden in New York is being broadcast live over MSN from 1:30am. Its also Professor Richard Dawkins' birthday tomorrow, I think that may be a slightly lower key affair though I do plan to send off a happy birthday email to the prof.

The herpes riddled, pant wetting Fergie jumps into the top 10 but is overshadowed by the Maximo boys hitting the top 10 for the first time! Another drop of 3 places hits Take That, it would be creepy if they were #10 next week. Speaking of creepy, THEY'VE FALLEN!! 1 place. The Fray are finally dislodged from #5 after well over a month. Replacing them is a much worse song, you know, that one with the semi-pornographic video? I've left out the artist so you don't go searching Youtube for it. After that comes the relative detox that is the superb Stefani tune. Then comes the Canadian with approximately no credibility leaving the 2 Comic Relief tunes to fight for #1.

And its Peter Kay claiming his second number 1 with help from The Proclaimers and Matt Lucas. Its also the first #1 for The Proclaimers.

Next Week
Avril goes for a climb to #1, Can Maximo get to #1 with Our Velocity's physical release? Or can a new entry go straight in?

Shirt

Overclocked Remix shirt. 4 years after I started wanting one. Also I don't know if its just me or the fact that I eventually became familiar enough with its predecessor to work without a translation but Jump Ultimate Stars hasn't quite hit my spot yet. Probably just the immense pain in the ass that is a 32 page translation guide.

You Don't Know Jack March 23rd 2007
Category: Bringing A Little Class to Hazzard County
Score: $2,227
Rank: 46th

This Is Yesterday

Ever noticed how somethings just start going very, very right without warning? That pretty much describes the events of yesterday. What I was told was something I've been waiting a little while for, hopefully now it won't be cruelly ripped away from under my nose.

"Every time you close your eyes..."

Ultimate Stars

Jump Ultimate Stars arrived in the post today! So did my OCR shirt but I have to go to the sorting office to get that. Also got the funniest government information leaflet I've ever seen.

You Don't Know Jack March 22nd 2007
Category: Cone Heads
Score: $2,496
Rank: 84th

Bad Day

Extremely poor day. Got about 15 pods to check out on Current later, that should keep me busy for a little while.

You Don't Know Jack March 21st 2007
Category: Alex Trebek's Tales Of Seduction
Score: $2,481
Rank:157th

A DisOrDat about gameshows. And I sucked.

I Suck

Yes I know, I promise something then never deliver.

You Don't Know Jack March 20th 2007
Category: Is My Pole At The Right Angle?
Score: $1,327
Rank: 63rd

That was horrible.

Episode 3

You Don't Know Jack Episode 3
Score: $8,296
Rank: 106th

That score will let me sleep soundly. Yes I know what time it is.

Current

uk.current.com/community/people/njsykora

If you've got a decent video camera and want to lend it to me then I'd really appreciate it.

The Charts - March 18th 2007

How do the UK charts shape up then? Last weeks position in (brackets) and info from BBC Radio 1 as always.

The Official UK Top 10 Singles
1: Girls Aloud vs Sugababes - Walk This Way (NE)
2: Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - The Sweet Escape (2)
3: The Proclaimers ft. Brian Potter and Andy Pipkin - I'm Gonna Be 5000 Miles (NE)
4: Take That - Shine (1)
5: The Fray - How To Save A Life (5)
6: Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby (3)
7: Mika - Grace Kelly (6)
8: Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around Comes Around (4)
9: Fedde Le Grand - Creeps (7)
10: Calvin Harris - Acceptable In The 80s (17)

Notable New Entries
#24 - The Fratellis - Baby Fratelli
#30 - Maximo Park - Our Velocity
#32 - The Twang - Wide Awake
#34 - Goodshoes - Never Meant To Hurt You
#38 - The Rakes - We Danced Together

Analysis

• Big fat SCORE!! for Calvin Harris hitting top 10. A quick 80s quiz revealed he knows nothing about the 80s (NJ - 2/4, CH - 1/4), Calvin Harris doesn't wear Calvin Klein's a further question revealed.
• Le Grand ft somegenericsinger continues to bore me silly. Though it does have better lyrics than 'Detroit. Not that that's a hard thing to do.
  
• Nothing much to say about JT except that its not as good as My Love or Sexyback.
• Mika still clinging on to life in the top 10.
• The Kaisers still in the top 10 but no doubt satisfied with their number 1.
• Unbefuckinglievable. I like the song but how the hell have they stayed at number 5 for this long?
• A FALLER!! Take That drop off the top after a decent stay.
• First Comic Relief single to enter the chart this year. The original somehow managed to re-enter at #37.
• A sublime slice of pop lovliness stays at 2 and what some have called musical blasphemy smashes in at number 1. Personally I quite like it.
  

A Mix A Day - Day 12 (Delayed)

Not right now, United is sucking up my time like Pete Doherty's nose.

Review - Trackmania United

Game Info Box
Title: Trackmania United
Developers: Ascaron and 93 Games
Publisher: Nadeo
Format: PC

First a history lesson, I see fit to give one as Nadeo have given one themselves in the TMU manual.

In 2003 a small French developer released a small game called Trackmania. In short, it did very well indeed. The original Trackmania was the breakout hit of the year spawning massive communities and the sort of friendly competition rarely seen on the internet. Track building became a smash pasttime with everyone, the Desert, Alpine and Rally environments providing 3 distinctly different handling styles with 3 very different sets of building blocks to create tracks with using the game's currency, Coppers.

Fast forward to 2005. Hot on the heels of the FREE! expansion packs Power Up and Speed Up (both adding new blocks to the editor and new races to campaign mode) came the second coming. Trackmania Sunrise launched to a rapturous reception before most people realised that it was pretty much the same game only a bit nicer looking. The track editor was harder to use and the competition had dropped below the friendly line. To my eyes Trackmania was in trouble, not even the F-Zero like Extreme expansion could save it.

2006 now and Trackmania needed something to bring in the masses. So they released a free download of a stand-alone version. Entitled Trackmania Nations it has now been downloaded over 20million times and was used at the Video Games World Cup 2006. Everything that made it good was back, the track editor was simplified and the competition was back to friendly rivalry with players playing for their country. The stage was set for TM to go into the full big time.

So enters Trackmania United. The 4th game in the series and it is definately not the same game in a nicer skin. The first thing is that Nadeo have not introduced any new environments instead choosing to use Desert, Alpine and Rally from the original game, Island, Bay and Coast from Sunrise and Stadium from Nations. 7 environments each with their own campaign in the Race mode.

Race mode is a simple sprint from the start to the finish, each environment has 4 difficulty levels from Start to Hard with 5 tracks in each. Collecting 5 medals gets the next level, finishing Easy unlocks the next environment. Medals are gained for Training times only as in addition to that there's a new element introduced which I'll explain later.

Puzzle mode takes the same format only the track has to be built around obstacles and preset checkpoints using the given blocks and track editor. Then you take to your track and set your best time, the catch is that a poor time may not be your driving.

Platform mode is the last mode to return, take a car and environment and take it from the start to the finish without falling off the track or being incapacitated. Medals are awarded for how many times you have to restart with the precious golds only going to a perfect run.

So the basic solo game is the same, as is the multiplayer. Where this game has changed is with ManiaLink. ManiaLink is an Xbox Live Marketplace style shop for new tracks, cars, game mods and tournament entry. This is where the Coppers return. Now they are rewarded for creating items and uploading them to ManiaLink, once they're there the initial bonus you get for uploading is augmented by recieving 100% profit on all sales. It is the sort of thing Trackmania has needed since the original and reinventing the copper has provided exactly what the community needs. As more and more people get this game the budding salespeople will be really fighting for attention thus forcing quality to go up. Nothing bad can come of that.

And for those who can't create tracks (idiots), Nadeo gracefully rewards players with 50 coppers just for logging in each day. This can be augmented to 100 and 150 by registering your copies of Trackmania and Trackmania Sunrise. An inspired idea to be sure.

Finally fighting for attention in the sea of new features is Official times. Once you've mastered a track you can pay a small fee (in coppers natch) to take one single timed run. That time then goes up as an official time on your region leaderboard. Get very good and times can go up to the continental and world leaderboard, good times bring in skillpoints and more coppers. The pressure of only have one shot at getting right will really slam the pressure on for the tougher tracks. I approve.

United is a massive improvement over Sunrise and is the definitive Trackmania so far. A greatest hits compilation with massive improvements elsewhere it provides what the series needed and remains the only essential PC racing game. I'd advise getting a controller though, those turns are unforgiving.

In One Line
Its hard to see how Nadeo can improve on this.

Score
Nine (9)

Games

More specifically Trackmania. Or Get Car, Drive Car, Crash as I've taken to calling it.

You Don't Know Jack March 16th 2007
Category: Kiss Me, I'm Irish-ish
Score: $3,004
Rank: 20th

ARGH! Dropped the last 2 and missed the top.

A Mix A Day - Day 11

Remix 11
Title: A World Awaits Chrono
Remixer: J:/Drive
Game: Chrono Trigger
MixID: OCR00922
Posted: 2nd August 2003

My first choice for today was DJ Seith's Bomb Factory but seemingly all of The Seith's mixes have disappeared from OCR. I noticed this yesterday when scrolling through the B games and saw that the solitary Banjo Kazooie mix had vanished. I have it on CD somewhere so I'm not worried. Fortunately I have this.

This epic remix from an epic game from a less than epic remixer. Jarrod McQueen has one single remix to his name and this is it. Beginning with the atmospheric pendulum from the opening of Squaresoft's SNES masterpiece it launches into a brilliant electronic rework of the main theme. Even if you've never heard that you'll like this.

United By Speed

United by speed. United by jumps. United by drifts. United by times. United by competition. United by stunts. United by creativity.

United by Trackmania.



You Don't Know Jack March 15th 2007
Category: i m fr33king out
Score: $3,550
Rank: 77th

Simple one here, I dropped an easy one though.

A Mix A Day - Day 10

Remix 10
Title: Hillbilly Rodeo
Remixer: djpretzel
Game: Bubble Bobble
MixID: OCR00015
Posted: 16th February 2000

"If I am ever tried for murder I will plead insanity. This is the only proof I'll need."
David Lloyd

As one reviewer said, this is the pinnacle of the scene. I'm rushing this because I'm tired and want to go to bed.

NME Awards DVD

Oh boy, the rock and rave tours looked like an unreasonable amount of fun. Here's 3 things I learnt from watching that DVD.

1) Iwan from The Automatic really likes his nose
2) The Mumm-Ra duck gets shaved before each gig
3) If you are walking past the CSS dressing room then don't be surprised if you get pulled in

You Don't Know Jack March 14th 2007
Category: These Buffalo Wings Are Heavenly
Score: $2,997
Rank: 87th

A Mix A Day - Day 9

Remix 9
Title: Pearl Song
Remixer: The Wingless
Game: Super Mario 64
MixID: OCR00952
Uploaded: 16th March 2003

This 4 and a half minute slice of lovliness comes at you courtesy of J.A. Burnett aka The Wingless. 14 remixes to his name between 2002 and 2006. He's also been kicked off the judges panel, used OCR to try and get further in his job (last I heard he worked for game developer Midway) and obtained the nickname 'The Wangless' for reasons I never really figured out. He's hardly a popular figure, but OCR is about music and not nice people. Though the 2 often go hand in hand.

This is a remix of the underwater theme from Super Mario 64. You'll find it in Jolly Roger Bay, Wet Dry World and Dire Dire Docks. Its one of my favourite pieces from the game and always provides an excellent listen. This piano-driven mix is no exception. Lovely and tinkly.

www.ocremix.org/remix/OCR00952 is the address to go to if you want to get directly to the mix. This applies to all the mixes I put in here.

Plushie

New plushie! Iruka at last.

You Don't Know Jack March 13th 2007
Category: Fonzie For Senate!
Score: $2,436
Ranking: 102nd

Review - Funeral

Before I start I want to make an appeal.

If you're posting a My Chemical Romance video on Youtube please turn comments off, there's only so many times I can read "OMG MCR SUK FAG GAY EMO!!!!!!1" in one day.

Album Info Box
Title: Funeral
Artist: Arcade Fire
Label: Rough Trade (now on Merge Records)
Members: Win Butler, Regine Chassagne, Richard Reed Parry, William Butler, Tim Kingsbury, Sarah Neufeld, Jeremy Gara, Owen Pallett

Go.

Buy.

Listen.

Love.

I hate to be this cryptic and non-descriptive but by the time you reach Neighbourhood #3 (Power Out) and hear Win Butler screaming 'WITH THE LIGHTS OUT!!' you have realised it.

You just bought something special. In all my music life I have never heard anything so powerful, beautiful, refined and innovative. Zane Lowe says it may be the greatest record released in his lifetime. I think it may even go beyond my lifetime, that's a good 10-20 extra years.

Its 10 songs, 47 minutes and it may not be sexy or cool or headbanging material but here's what it is.

Unbelievably good. Maybe even perfect. The score certainly is.

In One Line
An amazingly diverse and heart warming album, better than any debut should be.

Score
Ten (10)

A Mix A Day - Day 8

So we enter week 2 of the Daily Remix project. This week we're focusing on some highly worked base tracks.

Remix 8
Title: Icecapped
Remixer: McVaffe
Game: Sonic The Hedgehog 3
MixID: OCR00240
Posted: January 7th 2001

Mike Vafeas sprung into action right at the start of OCR. His first mix holds the number 124 and his most recent is number 1185. He' s been silent for the over 2 years now though. With 22 in 2000, 12 in 2001, 8 in 2002, 1 in 2003 then a solitary comeback mix in 2004 he's been a formiddable name in the scene but now seems to be gone for good. This is the mix he used to kick off 2001 in fine style.

Ice Cap has been remixed many times but they're all worth checking out as its such a phenomenal piece to begin with. With a mixer as seasoned as McVaffe involved you should have this immediately.

Incoming Rant

Daily Remix in a seperate post after this, big fuck-off rant about The Gossip being readied too.

You Don't Know Jack Episode 2
Score: $9,551
Ranking: 131st

Now I know how it works I'm a lot more confident here, I know I can pass on the Jack Attack and only 2 misfires (knew the answer and still got it wrong) kept me from 5 figures. My advice is to take your time on the main questions, getting it right late and earning is a lot better than guessing and losing.

The Charts - March 11th 2007

Let's see what we have here then. Info from Radio 1 and last week's stuff in brackets.

Can The Gossip stun the world and take #1 in their 19th week on the chart? Can Take That hold off the competition to keep Shine up for a second week?

The Official UK Singles Chart
#1: Take That - Shine (1)
#2: Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - The Sweet Escape (3)
#3: Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby (2)
#4: Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around Comes Around (10)
#5: The Fray - How To Save A Life (5)
#6: Mika - Grace Kelly (4)
#7: Fedde Le Grand ft Camille Jones - Creeps (NE)
#8: Kelis ft. Cee-Lo - Lil Star (6)
#9: The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control (7)
#10: Nelly Furtado - Say It Right

Notable New Entries
#14: Biffy Clyro - Saturday Superhouse
#17: Calvin Harris - Acceptable In The 80s
#23: Madness - Sorry
#28: Enter Shikari - Anything Could Happen In The Next Half-Hour
#37: Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly - I Spy
#39: Good Charlotte - Keep Your Hands Off My Girl
#40: LCD Soundsystem - North American Scum

Analysis
100% result for the Biffy boys up there, good entries too for Enter Shikari and Mr Harris. Disappointing starts for James Murphy, Sam Duckworth and Good Charlotte at the bottom.

Always heartening to see Nelly Furtado in the top ten, one of my personal favourite solo females.

Shame to see Beth Ditto and the boys drop 2 in the week of SITWOC's second physical release their success though is life affirming even though their decision this week to sign to an all-gay label for their 4th album disappointed me, I don't see why they have to segregate themselves from the rest of the music world and make it an issue like that. I'll talk more about it next week though I did lose a lot of respect for them when I read that.

Kelis has really matured for this new single. Hopefully we won't be hearing a new Milkshake (or the old one) any time soon. Cee-Lo Green's screechy voice really grates on me though.

Sorry, Fedde Le Grand doesn't do anything for me except maybe improve my Google ranking. Still, at least its better than 'Detroit'.

Mr Mika slams on the brakes slightly but this is his 3rd slip in as many weeks. Still being at #6 after 3 drops is nonetheless rather impressive, but who the hell is still buying this after 2 months?

If he's slammed on the brakes though then The Fray have put their tent up ready for a hurricane because they aren't going anywhere. Since getting into the top 5 a few weeks ago they haven't left and this is their 3rd week at #5.

Bit of a leap for Justin Trousersnake, no surprises there.

Kaisers also dropping for the 2nd straight week. It will be interesting to see how long they can stay in the chart for.

So in a straight fight it comes down to an ex-punk singer vs 4 guys from Manchester. The Manchester boys were always going to take it really. Now lets move on to the Album Chart.

The Official UK Album Chart
#1: Kaiser Chiefs - Yours Truly, Angry Mob (1)
#2: Arcade Fire - Neon Bible (NE)
#3: Take That - Beautiful World (2)
#4: Russell Watson - That's Life (NE)
#5: Bryan Ferry - Dylanesque (NE)

Mika's dropping like a baby's testicles in the album chart, down to #13 this week from 4. He's also gone from the Download Chart. Good shot by the canadians at #2.

Next Week
Scissor Sisters - She's My Man
Robbie Williams - She's Madonna
Christina Aguilera - Candyman
Joss Stone - Tell Me About It
Fedde Le Grand - Creeps

Yep, a whole crock of shit next week.

A Mix A Day - Day 7 and Week 1 Summary

A few points before we get started.

1) My sweet-ass new watch makes a great clinky noise when air drumming to The Prayer's intro.
2) The best blog post I've ever read is now the latest entry on Hadouken's blog (Hot Topic)

Remix 7
Title: Tight Finale
Remixer: Jivemaster
Game: Sonic The Hedgehog 3
MixID: OCR00530

As far as real final level mixes go you have to go some to beat this slice of adrenaline from Joel Bird. As far as remixers go you have to go some to beat Joel Bird. Creator of the first remix I downloaded (rAAw Battery) he is a master of the craft yet has seemingly vanished from the scene. He is my favourite remixer and you'll see why as I show off more of his work.

Well that's week 1 over and my love of OCR is well and truly revived. Here are the 7 mixes that did it.

A Mix A Day Week 1
kLuTz - A World Of Piano
Injury - The Tallest Building
djpretzel - 7 Years Broken
Beatdrop - House Hornet
Star Salzman - The Incredible Singing Robot
SGX - 4F73R M3
Jivemaster - Tight Finale

All the mixes can of course be downloaded from the OCR website. OCR merch can be bought from eStarland, the link to them is on every remix download page and they're worth checking out.

www.ocremix.org

A Mix A Day - Day 6

Remix 6
Title: 4F73R M3
Remixer: SGX, MC
Game: Dance Dance Revolution 4th Mix
MixID: OCR01114

My favourite remixer he is not, that'll have to wait until tomorrow because I need to do him justice and don't have time right now. I have left this a little late. Danny Adler aka SGX aka Supergreen X is a constant friend of rarely remixed games and caused more than a few questions with this remix of Naoki's B4U which has forever been a friend of mine in the arcade. Gaining massive nerd points already for daring to give DDR some respect and recognition he went a step further by drafting in MC to provide some wonderfully egotistical lyrics. Marvellous.

Tomorrow, it will be my favourite remixer to round off the week. I'll also look back over this first week.

Open

Hate them. Hate them with a passion.

Daily Remix up later, got lots of telly to watch before though, final of the Flyball in Crufts, Bremner, Bird and Fortune, an old Have I Got News For You and Al Murray.

Much as I love it, this week's Primeval has to wait until the repeat tomorrow. Or the DVD release if I miss that.

In bad news, my mother appears to have thought that my not being assed to go upstairs to watch Crufts and Castaway last night meant I wanted to stay downstairs and keep her company. This is a terrible situation.

A Mix A Day - Day 5

Remix 5
Title: The Incredible Singing Robot
Remixer: Star Salzman
Game: Chrono Trigger
MixID: OCR00988

Little is known of the mysterious Star Salzman. Except the fact that he's a fat git. Also he makes rather superb songs (not just remixes), has a way with lyrics and has a better singing voice than Pretzel.

This is his remix of the song the robot in the fair sings right at the start of Chrono Trigger on the SNES. He sings then goes to kick your ass. That pretty much sums up the song so I'll leave you to enjoy.

Tomorrow you shall be introduced to my favourite remixer of all time.

Once Upon A Time

Yes I've been listening to the new Air single. I put Pocket Symphony in my Albums Of The Month but go to Metacritic and see the review scores its been getting. I've never seen opinion split this much down the middle. I'll get it but its not on my priorities list, that single sounds a hell of a lot like Mew though.

You Don't Know Jack March 9th 2007
Category: Mystic Pizza
Score: $3,228
Rank: 10th

Today's Daily Remix will come from the master of comedy and music, Star Salzman.

Thou Shalt Always Kill

If you haven't heard this song yet then go and give it a listen. Its a tricky one and you may not agree with everything in it but you will find something to shout from the rooftops in this song.

www.myspace.com/lesacvspip

If anyone can get that Lyrics link to work can you please send them to me? Also check out Scroobius Pip's solo MySpace. He is above and beyond a good person.

A Mix A Day - Day 4

Remix 4
Title: House Hornet
Remixers: Beatdrop, mp, Ailsean
Game: Megaman X3
MixID: OCR00647

Pretzel had an orgasm in the mix summary here but believe it or not the primary mixer Beatdrop (real name Dain Olsen and certified hot guy) doesn't actually like it. So much so that he deleted it from his personal site. That's musicians for you.

This one is pure air guitar. If you're not pumping your arms to Ailsean's ideal of the Drill Hornet stage music then you have a few issues. With the rest of the mix in OCR legend Beatdrop and mp's hands its a slick and manic 3 minutes. He may not like it, but you will.

Beatdrop's also made 3 studio albums which are floating around on the internet somewhere for download. Probably from his own site as his PaletteSwap hosting area has not gone kaput. A shame as PS was a great site back in the day. The albums go by the names of Operations, Final Energy and Everlast. Or you can ask me and I'll send them your way.

Tomorrow, another legend. Not just an OCR legend either, this oversized remixer is one of the greatest people ever.

Srimech

I'll give anyone £20 if they know what that means. Answer coming after today's Daily Remix.

You Don't Know Jack March 8th 2007
Category: Scooter Fibby
Score: $2,604
Rank: 54th

A Mix A Day - Day 3

Remix 3
Title: 7 Years Broken
Remixer: djpretzel
Game: Xenogears
MixID: OCR00383

Pretzel aka David Lloyd is the head honcho, the king, the overlord, creator and owner of Overclocked Remix. It was born out of his love for video game music as an offshoot of his webcomic Overclocked (which is still online at www.overclocked.org though sadly defunct now). His remixes range from the sublime to the silly, this one fits somewhere between the two.

7 Years Broken is one of the sadly rare remixes with vocals on OCR. The song is Small Two of Pieces, the ending theme to PS1 Squaresoft game Xenogears (which spawned 3 sequels in the Xenosaga line). The mix is basically his reworking of the music (sublime) and then he sings the lyrics himself (silly). I personally think Pretzel's singing voice is quite good, your milage may vary but I think everyone will find something to enjoy about this track.

Tomorrow and Friday, I'll showcase 2 OCR legends, members and ex-members of the almighty and often hated Judging Panel.

Glowstick

You probably don't want to know what I do with mine. Daily Remix coming soon etc etc yadda yadda yadda.

You Don't Know Jack March 7th 2007
Category: A Little Editing and the Good Book's a Great Book
Score: $3,542
Rank: 5th

Better. Much better.

Radio 4

www.bbc.co.uk/radio1
Cool.

www.bbc.co.uk/radio2
Uncool.

www.bbc.co.uk/radio3
Eh?

www.bbc.co.uk/radio4
This is what I want to talk about.

BBC Radio 4 is the seemingly incomprehensible arm of BBC Radio. Never mind the fact that BBC Radio as a whole is incomprehensible.

Radio 1, Radio 2, Radio 3, Radio 4, Radio Five Live, Radio 6, Radio 7, 1xtra, Asian Network, World Service and of course the endless local radio stations. Naturally here we still have BBC Hereford and Worcester even though the county split ages ago.

Radio 4 is a minefield of horrible soaps, religeous (can't spell it) crap and pathetic whinging by women (women who want a man to host their Red Nose Day show). However hunt through the crap and there are a few little gems waiting to unleash your hilarity.

The Now Show
This is the funniest thing without visual accompaniment available. A sketch show with added stand-up from star of My Hero and Mock The Week Hugh Dennis, Steve Punt, Mitch Benn, Laura Shavin, Marcus Brigstocke and Jon Holmes. Its satire in its purest form.

There's also plenty of stand-up from solo comedians which is often advertised on TV. These are worth checking out if you can as they rarely end up on Listen Again. As do most of the gameshows on the station like Just A Minute and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.

You should check out R4 occasionally. There's some good stuff there, though I personally will stick to The Now Show's podcast. I'm too cool.

School Report

An interesting activity is to find old school reports and see if you've changed since then. I don't mean from 3-4 years ago, I mean the primary school stuff. Your first few years of education. I found one like that today.

The school is St Thomas Cantilupe Church Of England Primary School. To be found near Hereford Snooker Center on the corner. Its not hard to miss but I spent a few years there, lets see what I was like in year 2 shall we? This is 11 years ago, I was 7 years old, England were cruising to failure in Euro '96 and Take That fans were unaware that there were rumblings of a split imminent.

English
Francis listens attentively and answers questions with a very mature attitude. His vocabulary is extensive and he has a very advanced ability to express himself orally. His reading is excellent. His writing skills have improved with good spelling and punctuation.

Nope, no change there. Good to know I was orally sound back then.

Mathematics
Francis has an excellent understanding of mathematical concepts and he is able to apply his knowledge in practical situations and to solve problems easily.

Nope, those skills survived 11 years.

Science
Francis has a wide knowledge of the world around him and makes intellegent observations in class discussions. He enjoys doing experiments and interprets information with confidence. He records his findings in an organised and independant way.

Yep, all good here.

History
Francis has a good understanding of what history means and is able to differentiate between fact and fiction.

Yep.

A Mix A Day - Day 2

Remix 2
Title: The Tallest Building
Remixer: Injury
Game: Megaman 2
MixID: OCR00761

Starla Iscariot aka Injury is a skilled yet rare remixer on OCR. With 9 mixes to her name she has proven herself to be a master of high energy techno remixes.

With The Tallest Building she starts with soft orchestral piano which may sound similar to what you heard yesterday. After a bit of this though it descends into the full techno version of the Megaman 2 title screen music. This is an example of what is far more typical on OCR. Techno and electronica are the dominant genres but there is a great deal of variety if you dig deep.

Tomorrow I'll show that remixes don't have to be instrumental.

Issues

Immediately I noticed a flaw in this Daily Remix project. If there's a remix I really want to listen to I have to wait until tomorrow to pick it up.

Anyway, DisOrDat's are back. Seems like full games are just for Mondays.

You Don't Know Jack March 6th 2007
Category: Don't Shake That Fish Stick At Me
Score: $2,565
Rank: 46th

Daily Remix coming up later, something completely different from yesterday.

A Mix A Day - Day 1

1 day, 1 remix, 1 remixer, 1 game. This is NJ's Daily Remix project.

Remix 1
Title: A World Of Piano
Remixer: kLuTz
Game: Final Fantasy VII
MixID: OCR00811

kLuTz specialises in brilliantly arranged and beautifully performed piano only remixes. He has 4 mixes to his name and this one is his version of the Final Fantasy VII main theme. This is a sublime piece of music anyway yet armed with nothing but pure simplicity Mr Pak manages to trim it down to something you wouldn't have been surprised to see in the game itself.

For any newbie to OCR this is the perfect example of what a remix is about, take one or more tunes and add your own flair and style while retaining what made the original so good. kLuTz is a fine entry point into the world of videogame remixing.

It Begins

You Don't Know Jack Episode 1
Score: -$8,425
Rank: Last

Well the view from the top was nice while it lasted. The game has now changed.

First we get 2 multiple choice questions with 4 possible answers. 20 seconds for each with cash won for how much time is left if you get it right and removed for a wrong answer.

Then comes Round 3 which should be familiar. The DisOrDat. Same as always, 7 questions winning $250 for a right answer and losing $250 for a wrong one. Any time left from the 30 seconds given is added as a bonus.

Then we get another 3 normal questions.

Then. It becomes time for...

THE JACK ATTACK!!

A word will appear on the screen and other words will go flying past, when you see the one that matches then press space, $2,000 is given for a right answer with $2,000 lost for a wrong one. So for example if you saw 'Dentist' then you'd be looking for 'Teeth'.

That concludes the game, as you can see I didn't do very well on my first run through this format. Always tomorrow.

Coming up later will be the start of my Daily Remix project. I'll download one remix a day from the legendary Overclocked Remix and explain why I like it (or otherwise). I'll be starting with the ones I know I love.

The Charts - March 4th 2007

Bit late so lets make this quick shall we? Last week's position in (brackets) as always.

#1: Take That - Shine (10)
#2: Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby (1)
#3: Gwen Stefani ft. Akon - The Sweet Escape (7)
#4: Mika - Grace Kelly (2)
#5: The Fray - How To Save A Life (5)
#6: Kelis ft. Cee-Lo - Lil Star (NE)
#7: The Gossip - Standing In The Way Of Control (NE)
#8: Cascada - Miracle (NE)
#9: Akon ft. Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Love You (4)
#10: Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around Comes Around (NE)

Info as always from the Radio 1 website which is why the info for The Gossip is horribly wrong. They were #13 last week.

Analysis
Well that umpteenth number one for Take That is, was and has always been inevitable. They truly are back where they belong. A Kaiser second place is a very good result given the competition. Miss Stefani getting third is a worthy position for her best song since that first single off Love Music Angel Baby (or whatever it was). Mika begins the slow slide down the list as The Fray cling on to life in the top 10.

The real story here though is The Gossip. The 1/3rd female, 3/3rds gay (to use my favourite CSS quote) band from bible belt Arkansaw have absolutely demolished everyone's expectations and finally reached the top 10 after a seemingly endless amount of time on the chart with 'Control first as a single, then as a downloaded album track once it had been on an ad for Channel 4's soft porn program Skins and now for the second single release (holding Jealous Girls out of the single release queue). The hard copy single is out next week. Number one anyone? I wouldn't bet against them.

Kaiser Chiefs remain number one on the album chart, no news there.

Amazon

I stopped shopping on Amazon for a few reasons.

1) The delivery charges were ridiculous.
2) The delivery time was wrinkle deepeningly slow.
3) Play.com sounded cooler.

Amazon has since returned to my affections for more reasons.

1) Amazon's product catalogue is bigger than Play's.
2) Amazon have sorted out their delivery times.
3) I can import from Amazon.

I placed an order for volume 1.2 of Naruto Unleashed (episodes 14-26) and Naruto manga volume 2 on Friday morning. Normally I'd expect to wait until after the weekend to get them yet I get home from work today and there they are. Technically that's the holy grail of internet shopping. TokyoToys promise next day delivery but I've never seen them do it (though I think its more Royal Mail's fault than TT's), Amazon (the site that kept me waiting over a week for 4 volumes of Chobits) have somehow pulled their finger out and done it.

So Amazon is default for online shopping with me again. Now if only I could find a copy of Yu-Gi-Oh 11 (Duelist 4) without going through the marketplace.

Review - Cansei De Ser Sexy

Album Info Box
Title: Cansei De Ser Sexy
Artist: CSS
Label: Sub Pop
Website: www.csshurts.com

CSS' MySpace is the most visited band space on my computer. All that really means is that I like looking at pictures of the band. Without a doubt this 5/6th female, 1/3rd gay, 1/12th japanese band are the best looking band in the world easily beating the try hard Horrors by several miles. Lead singer Lovefoxxx is quite possible the slinkiest little minx to ever own a pair of rainbow tights while the rest of the band just ooze style and long-lost virginity. Unlike Faris' lot though, this crew have the tunes to back up the look. The look is sex and without any doubt so is the music.

Things start with the thumping chant of CSS Suxxx. Its 2 minutes long and gets us to where we need to be, that is the rocking second track Patins. As song titles go its undoubtedly one of the tamer ones but its a great pure rock to dance to moment to kick things forward and headlong into the album's first single.

Alala.

I'm not even going to mention that or the one that follows it, because if you've heard any CSS at all and haven't gone searching on Youtube for that and Lets Make Love And Listen To Death From Above then you don't deserve my opinion basically.

"Lick lick lick my art tit, suck suck suck my art hole"

That's a lyric, reason, question and explaination all in one from Art Bitch. A song with a drum beat so hard and loud it could rival Enter Shikari.

Track 6: Fuckoff Is Not The Only Thing You Have To Show

You know what, I'm just gonna give you a score and leave you to discover this yourself.

In One Line
Its an album that defies criticism, reason and just settles for sending out 11 of the purest party tunes I've ever heard. Incredible.

Score
Nine (9)

New Project

Throughout my life on the internet there is one site that has always remained in my mind. Now with 1,557 remixes (at the time of writing) Overclocked Remix has always been a site I've never forgotten. Now I'm going back for a special project.

Every day I'll download a remix off the site. That's every day from Monday to Sunday so 7 mixes a week. All the mixes in one week have to be from 7 different games. I'll start with my known favourites obviously then move on to stuff I haven't heard before, I'm a lot more musically adventurous now than I was when I left the site 2 years ago. I still think OCR has the best April Fools jokes on the web. That's only 30 days away incidentally. I fully expect this site to do something for that.

You Don't Know Jack March 2nd 2007
Category: Stop Looking At My Assets
Score: $3,011
Ranking: 5th
Overall Ranking: 730th

Why the Dow Jones? Why not the Nasdaq? I know that.

New Link

Links>Other Blogs
The Onion's AV Club
A site about media and lots of funny stuff. Another enemy of productivity. Not sure if it could technically be called a blog though.

The NME Awards 2007

Well its over and the hangovers are no doubt drilling into most of the attendee's heads by now. Here are those who had reason to celebrate, and those who don't.

Best British Band - Muse
Anyone but Kasabian. Muse were the only real choice in this category. Their only award for the night.

Best International Band - My Chemical Romance
True. Though Nihal on Radio 1 said The Killers won it. Nice wishful thinking there.

Best Solo Artist - Jamie T
Tough category. Lily Allen, Get Cape to compete with but I was surprised to see anyone beat Jarvis. Well deserved for the T though. I bet he's suffering this morning.

Best New Band - Klaxons
Were in tears. A life affirming win for a life affirming band and it was clear how much it meant to them to win. Another contender for band least likely to remember the after party.

Best Live Band - Kasabian
False. How they won this when Muse were nominated is a mystery.

Philip Hall Radar Award - The Twang
Good call. A band destined for greatness.

John Peel Innovation Award - Enter Shikari
Maybe not commercial success here but certainly great albums on the way. Possible contender for Best Live Band sometime in the future maybe?

Best Album - Arctic Monkeys, 'Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not'
Inevitable no matter how many people complain. More people love it than were disappointed.

Best Track - The View, 'Wasted Little DJs'
Another good call, though I voted for Atlantis To Interzone.

Best Video - The Killers, 'Bones'
Tim Burton's magic touch made this a good video for a good song.

Best Music DVD - Arctic Monkeys, 'Scummy Man'
Haven't seen it, but wasn't going to be stopped.

Best Live Event - Carling Weekend: Reading and Leeds festivals
Another inevitable win, though it has Glastonbury to beat next year.

Best TV Show - 'The Mighty Boosh'
A less than inevitable win, I thought Gonzo or Buzzcocks would take it. Noel Fielding was going to need a scalpel to get out of his jeans apparantly. Can't wait to see that photo.

Best Radio Show - Zane Lowe, Radio 1
Again. Colin Murray was hilarious last night having lost this. Also beat the host Lauren Laverne's XFM show.

Best Film - 'Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest'
Meh. And a deeply rooted meh at that.

Sexiest Man - Matt Bellamy
*nod*

Sexiest Woman - Kate Moss
Nope. Have any of the voters seen Kate Jackson? Moss shouldn't have even come 2nd in a category with Karen O.

Worst Band - Panic! At The Disco
Now this is a bit harsh. Especially in a category with Razorlight and The Horrors.

Worst Album - Robbie Williams, 'Rudebox'
Again, rather harsh in the same category as Razorlight.

Worst Dressed - Lily Allen
In the same category as Faris Rotter?

Best Dressed - Faris Rotter
Ah.

Villain Of The Year - George W Bush
Bit of stating the bleeding obvious here.

Hero Of The Year - Gerard Way
And here.

Best Venue - Carling Brixton Academy
The Astoria should've won.

Best Website - YouTube
Walk in the park, though MySpace no doubt came close. Ends a big run of wins for NME.com which wasn't even nominated this year.

Go to the aforementioned NME.com and check out the Too Much Information blog to see footage from what became known as NME.cam. Freaking hilarious.

Apparantly Lovefoxxx of CSS was entwined with Jamie Reynolds at one point. Another photo I want to see.

NME Awards

It happens tonight, I'll get up the winners as soon as possible with the help of Zane Lowe, Colin Murray and the NME website. Until then there's loads more awards stuff on the NME site including Conor McNicholas (NME Editor) talking about how he just wants the show to start so he's not responsible for anything going wrong.

You Don't Know Jack March 1st 2007
Category: Something Borrowed, Something Blew
Score: $2,910
Ranking: 30th
Overall Ranking: 786th

Note that rankings are correct at the time of play and will change as more people play. Only the first score per game is counted, so if someone gets 2 accounts to top a leaderboard on which there is no prize then you should just feel sorry for them and their sad empty lives.