When Anger Takes Over

Copied from dA journal. Posted to w00tworld because....

a) I can't hide it.
b) I find it immensely embarrasing so you lot should be pissing yourselves.
c) I wanted a C to make me look intelligent.

[begin]
Scratching my eye a lot. Nothing wrong with it though. Sign of nervousness. Nothing to be afraid of though, I can't be touched here.

Some songs got me into something resembling a good mood earlier today. Na Na Na Na Naa (Kaisers) was being belted out at full pelt (to the horror of everyone on the bus). Hounds of Love (Futureheads) was a good cheer up song I found and so was Play the Hits (HAL). Nothing's forced a smile out yet though.

I really wanted to stay home today. A variety of factors contributing to that. Headache of the fucking century, my very warm bed, schoolwork and other things which should be made blindingly obvious from previous postings.

Finally got round to rewatching a few episodes of Cardcaptors last night. Rewatched the opening 5 minutes of Tsubasa 5 as well. Might rewatch a few episodes of The Amazing Race 6 later, if just to remind me that things could be worse (damn I'd love to see Dave and Ali in season 9). Anime is really proving to be the only thing I can do to take my mind off things now. Especially when talking about it produces quotes like this;

"I wish I liked anime"

You wish you liked it? YOU WISH YOU LIKED IT?! Why don't you make some sort of fucking effort and try some then? Not everyone's gonna bring everything to you on a plate you know. If you want something you're gonna have to go and get it yourself because I've damn near run out of patience. I've been convinced into forgiveness before but I fucking won't be this time. There's no worth in having someone pretending to be a friend at a time like this. Days like yesterday I found out who my closest friends are and that list sure as hell doesn't include you. I bet if I broke down in tears right here in front of you you wouldn't even notice. Everyone else would wonder what's wrong, even fucking Duncan and Harry would notice.

Damn. Should I even post that? I've gone slightly dizzy and my left arm's gone limp. All the anger and emotion I've kept pent up inside myself gets released here. Its the only place I feel safe to unleash my feelings. The only place where I'm gonna get an unbiased opinion. It feels like my tears are all stuck in my arm as I can't cry here. I just want to be back in my room. A confined space where I feel free. Away from everyone pressurising me and with only myself to comfort me. What's the point in having comforting presences if they're cancelled out by someone who's cold and fake? 10 days left counting today. Will I matter after those days are over?

Am I lying to myself holding you there?
Do I secretly believe that you really care?
[end]

My recovery post is on dA as my latest journal. Warning: May contain grovelling.

EDIT
In 'You had it coming news', Oasis' new album Don't Believe the Truth (the truth incidentally being that its shit) has been leaked. A tagging error by EMI led to the album being released onto iTunes 4 weeks before the May 30th release date. The album was snapped up quickly in the 2 hours it was available and as can be expected hit the file-sharing networks with just as much speed.

Don't Believe the Truth by Oasis will be in all music shops, magazines, music channels and anything else related to music on May 30th.

If you don't want to buy the pile of shit that it is then its available on Limewire now.